hijrah

bismillah.

mahu lajukan gerak langkah.
terasa sudah terlalu lama duduk di takuk yang sama.




aku rindukan keberanian itu.
yang hilang ditelan masa lampau yang rumit.
keberanian untuk tetap melangkah walau setapak setapak.




pahitnya rasa.
bila sering disalah erti.
dan lebih sakit bila aku harus teruskan rentak erti yang salah itu.
dek kerana tak mahu kenangan yang tertimbus kembali disingkap.




aku lupa.
masa yang telah lalu takkan kembali.
yang ada adalah hari ini saat ini.
yang masih diberi oleh Yang Maha Kasih.




aku lupa.
aku dilahirkan bukan untuk menyempurnakan diri pada pandangan manusia.
tapi untuk mencurah usaha menuju Dia.





sabarnya. sabarnya Dia.
melihat aku ini berulang alik, tersesat, bermula semula, jatuh, berlari ke belakang.
kerana aku hilang arah tujuan lantas tercampak jauh dari landasan.




namun.
masih. Dia masih mencurah nikmat dan hikmah ke segenap nafas aku yang lupa.
dan Dia tetap ada.
memberi peluang.
menyelit petunjuk dalam setiap kejadian.


sungguh.
Allah Maha Besar.




moga Engkau sampaikan aku ke bulan yang Engkau muliakan.
dan semoga titik hijrah ini menjadi permulaan untuk aku melangkah lebih jauh.
biar tak laju. biar kurang deras.
namun menjadi setapak setapak yang Engkau redhai.




Ya Allah.
kurniakanlah kami istiqamah.

my forgotten passion

bismillah.
due to the fact that now i keep a journal.
the blog was rarely updated.

not really a boring life without any significant occasions.
i got to learn many significant things.
alhamdulillah.


talking about passion.
(you can always insert any hobbies, artwork or any activities you enjoy doing in your imagination here.)
i have quite a few of 'em.

photography.
artwork.
sketching random things (though i'm bad at it).
interior-designing (only for my own room, of course).
observing the world from my point of view (i used to walk a lot. besides keeping me fit, i got to see so many things).
reading anything.

i used to love doing these.
and i still loved it.

but the fact that growing up needs more time for me to NOT being able to do these kind of things.
i forgot these things gradually.
things that keep me alert.
things that keep me moving.
things that keep me being, just ME.
i miss them.

and that disappointing fact that i kept spending my time on useless things.
it bothers me a lot.
what have I done in my life, despite not being myself anyway?

ugh.truth hurts.
i need a change of pace.
i need a break from thinking what people think of me.
i just need myself. my very own self.

Ya Allah who knows everything.
please guide my journey.



and yet;

14 years

bismillah.

it has been 14 years, isn't it?

and the fact that i'm turning 21 in a few months (inshaAllah)

makes me wonder how fast time has flown.
back then i was too young to understand where did you go.
because you never came back.



but now i know.
you are now in Allah's care.
may you'll always be shaded by His mercy.

i know you were my guardian angel.

from the moment when i first opened my eyes to see the world.

i heard your voice.

praising Allah, expressing your gratitude.

within your embrace.

you gave me my name.

i miss you.

i miss you to the core.

every second and minute.

in every breath.

but the fact that we're always connected by du'as.

soothes my pain every now and then.

you were my superhero.

and still are.

i love you.

and will always love you, Abah.

Al-fatihah.

Amran bin Abu Bakar [15 Nov 1965 - 3 Dec 1999]